I wanted to share a parenting method I learned recently from "Shepherding A Childs Heart" by Tedd Tripp.
The "Why did you..." line of questioning never works with children and rarely with adults. Here are some alternative and more productive questions for the children:
1. "What were you feeling when you hit your sister?"
2. "What did your sister do to make you mad?"
3. "Help me understand how hitting her seemed to make things better?"
4. "What was the problem with what she was doing to you?" (You need not deny the fact your child has been sinned against. Of course, he was sinned against. Let him tell you about it.)
5. "In what other ways could you have responded?"
6. "How do you think your response reflected trust or lack trust in God's ability to provide for you?'